Back Up

So, I need to back-up a little and tell a story that happened before we were engaged. In February of 2004, we went with a bunch of friends down to Vegas over Valentines weekend. There were about 10-12 of us that went down and we all stayed in one room because we were too cheap to spend money and get a few rooms. So, we had people sleeping all over the floors etc. But it was a lot of fun! Between the people in the room above us and sleeping arrangements, it made for a good time. Me and Jonathan and one of his friends rode down in his parents car that was an old Dodge Dynasty with like 190,000 miles on it! (You can see it in the picture below on the far right, the gray car). Jonathan got a ticket on the way home for doing 120 mph in that thing!

We did a lot of fun things while we were down there. I like thrill rides, so we did a lot of that. We went on a few roller coasters, walked the strip, and went to the top of the stratosphere where we rode a few of the rides up there. This is us at the top of the stratosphere.

It was a fun weekend with friends and something I won't forget!

Engagement

So, at this point in my story, I don't remember a lot of our dates. I really hate myself for never writing anything down. It seriously kills me inside and frustrates me so bad because now all I have to go off of is my memory which sometimes is not very good! So, if any of you are reading this and know Jonathan and I, please share stories about us, him, whatever you would like. I would love to hear them. My email is sharidurrant@Hotmail.com. I need to talk to Jonathan's family because they help me remember things too.
So, I am just going to jump to our engagement and then tell a few stories that I really remember after we were engaged. But before I start with that. I must first tell about the "I love you" words. If any of you know me, I pretty much refuse to make the first move whether kissing, the words, etc. So, I kept thinking the words had to come any day, but they never did. Finally one night when I was leaving the house he lived in in Orem, right as I was about to shut my door and drive off. He told me he loved me. I have to laugh about it because we weren't even hugging, talking, etc. when he said it. It was almost like he wanted to say it and have me hurry and leave cause he didn't know what I would do in return. Of course I returned the words and it just became part of us to say that to each other. Onto the engagement. So, we basically knew that we were going to get married. I was just waiting for him to pop the question. He knew kind of what ring I wanted, but he totally went and got it on his own without telling a soul he had even been ring shopping! But I do have a little confession to make here, that I never even told him. I happened to see the receipt somewhere. I don't remember where he had the receipt and it wasn't like I was looking for it, I just happened to come across it and saw the jeweler name on it. But from the time I saw the receipt to the time he asked was I want to say a week or more and I began to think maybe he had just bought a necklace or earrings or something that he wasn't giving to me yet. So, this one weekend he tells me that he wants to me on a horse ride up the canyon by his parents house. I began to wonder is this it, is he going to pop the question. So, we spent the day at his parents house and I kept waiting all day for the horse ride and it was just getting later and later into the evening, so I figured at this point the horse ride was not going to happen because of hose late it was and we were planning on going to his parents ward chili cook-off that night. So, I knew there was no way we could have time to get up the canyon for the ride. Well, Jonathan still insisted that we go for a short horse ride before we went to eat. So, we saddled up the horses and headed behind his parents house. We rode a little ways back behind there then he got off the horse and took the ring out and popped the question. Of course I said yes! And after we had a moment we got back on the horses and rode back up to his parents. They had already gone over to the church, so we put the horses back and headed over too. We ate and nobody noticed the ring, so after we were done eating Jonathan said, "mom come here I need to tell you something." We went into the hall and told his mom and I think everyone was surprised because nobody knew he had even bought a ring!

Dating

A lot of our first dates consisted of eating and then just driving around talking! I really enjoyed them because I got to really find out things about Jonathan and the type of person he was. Like I said, I was starting to really like him, but I didn't want to fall too hard because his plan was to start school the end of August at USU and I figured he would go up there and find a cowgirl to marry cause that's just what I thought his type would be, not some city girl! Also, don't forget I believe we started dating around the end of July first part of August, so we hadn't been on very many dates before he would be heading up to school so obviously there was no commitment when he went to school because we had hardly been dating. Well, as it got closer to school, I don't remember what happened this time, but maybe he missed the timing for registering or something, but he didn't get registered, so that meant he wouldn't be moving. So, since he wasn't going to be going to school, he decided to move down to Orem with his brother in their grandma's house and start working with his brother in Lehi. Yes! You can say I was a little excited! He would be closer! So, he moved to Orem in late August or early September and our dating continued. Our country dancing every Saturday continued too! I think we rarely ever missed a week of dancing, I really was addicted.
We started hanging out every weekend, which then turned into probably almost every night! We did some fun things, one of the dates that really sticks out in my mind is a drive we took up Provo canyon in the rain. We had a good talk and it is a date I will never forget. I figured we both must like each other as much as we hung out, but we never really discussed "us", part of the reason we had never discussed it was because Jonathan still had the plan to move up to Logan in January to start the next semester at USU. So really this dating was only going to last a few more months because there was no way I could go anywhere. I was going to school at UVSC at the time.
So, January came and Jonathan made the move up to Logan to his new apartment. Me and my friend went up there one night shortly after he had moved up there cause I really did miss him. Well...something happened again. He was registering for classes apparently, but something happened either with the computer or him getting registered, but when he registered it never went through, so he actually wasn't registered. At least I think that is the story to some effect of what he told me. I don't think his mom was too happy with him! :) After all this happened twice, but I believe in my heart now that that is what was suppose to happen because we were suppose to get married. I truly believe the Lord had a hand in both of these incidents of him not getting registered because we needed to be married and I don't think we would have got married had he gone to school any earlier than when he did because I had plans to go to SUU in Cedar City the next year to finish my degree.
So a few short weeks later, he moved back to Orem with his brother to keep working and we continued dating. Things really fell into place from this point on and all our plans were what we would do together because we both knew we would be getting married.

Second Date

So, you have to remember I am telling this story one sided and to be honest, I can't even really remember from one date to the next what we did. I have certain dates that stick out in my mind that were later on down in our dating scene, but I really don't even remember what we did on our second date. The only thing I do remember about the second date was, I remember when Jonathan called for a second date, in my mind I seriously thought, do I want to go out with this kid again? He didn't even talk, and can I bear another silent date. Well, just as a side note, you have to remember it was a few weeks from the first date to the second date, but we had seen each other dancing and probably said a "few" words to each other! So, I decided I would give him a second pity date and thought if this doesn't go better, I will definitely never go out with him! Well, like I said I don't remember what we did, but I do know that he was a completely different person. He talked and talked and I was able to actually find out what his plans were instead of just getting yes and no answers! :) Date went much better and I actually started liking this cowboy!

First Date

I wish I could remember the exact date of our first date, kind of makes me mad that I can't! Just one of my many regrets for never writing it down. Anyway, we had our first date sometime in August of 2003. Keep in mind, that Jonathan is living in Peoa with his parents, which isn't terribly far away, but not real close either. So, he drove from Peoa down to American Fork and back up to Peoa for our first date. Yes, I met some his family on our first date! It was a little weird, but you have to realize our process to get married needed to progress a little faster than most considering his time on earth was short. So, for our first date, we went horseback riding up in his hometown of Peoa. He didn't talk much on our first date. I occasionally asked questions and got a yes or no answer was about the extent of our communication. While we were riding, it wasn't a big deal because it's hard to talk on horses unless you are riding right next to each other, which we weren't. He rode in front, and the horse I was on followed behind. I didn't mind Jonathan riding behind the whole time. Jonathan did have a nice wrangler butt! :) So at least I did have a good view, even if he wasn't saying much. So, up to this point the date wasn't terrible, he just didn't say much. After we went riding, we went and ate at the Polar King in Oakley. Let me give you a background of this awesome part of the date though. Jonathan's 2 younger brothers needed to go clean out some horse stalls somewhere in Oakley (it was their job that they were paid for). I don't know how it came about, maybe because they didn't have enough cars for everyone to take, I don't know, but it was decided that  his younger brother would take Jonathans car and drop us off to eat and then run up and clean stalls and come right back and pick us up. Well....he dropped us off, we ate, we sat, and we sat, and we sat...for 3 hours until his little brother came to pick us up. So, I sat there with a kid that wouldn't talk to me with nowhere to go because we didn't have a car for 3 hours! When his brother did come to pick us up, Jonathan was not too happy and he basically took them home and drove me all the way back home to American Fork. Needless to say, I pretty much thought in my head, I will never go out with him again! He wouldn't even talk to me! I was left it almost silence watching the TV at the Polar King for 3 hours, it was not the best first date to say the least! I am not much of a talker, so for me to be asking all the questions and not getting much of a response except for yes or no was a big deal! I needed someone that could carry a conversation with me! Come to find out later, his brother purposely left us there that long, maybe trying to be funny, I don't really know why he did it! I will have to ask him one day. Also, come to find out the reason Jonathan wouldn't talk was because he was super nervous. I was his first date after coming home from his mission. Obviously, it didn't end here though. I did give him a second date...

Dream

So, this is not the post about our first date, but I really wanted to share this randomness on here before I forget about it. The other night, I had a dream with Jonathan in it. I love when I have dreams and Jonathan is in them because it makes me feel like he still watches over me and knows what is going on in my life and is aware of me and that makes me feel better because not being able to see and talk to loved ones that have passed on is one of the hardest things about them being gone. So, I feel like dreams that I have with him in them are my way I can still see and talk to him.
So, I had this dream the other night and the jist of it was that he was coming home from a mission and all of his family was there and all of my family was there and it took awhile before I got to talk to him because he seemed to be really busy doing things, but when he saw me he took me off to a private place and I just started crying to him saying I hope you don't hate me for getting married while you were gone and having kids, it doesn't mean I love you any less. He said back to me why would I be mad, I still love you, I love your kids and I am just like their dad.
I seriously woke up super happy because I do sometimes think in the back of my mind does Jonathan hate me for getting remarried and I am sure he doesn't. He knows that I needed to move on and have a happy, successful, and enjoyable life. It doesn't mean I love him any less. He always will hold a special place in my heart that nobody will ever come close to.
Anyway, I just wanted to write this down so I did not forget my dream. I always feel more comforted and closer to him when I have these type of dreams. I feel like he is aware and cares for me still even though he is on the other side.

Continuing on...

So continuing from where I left off on my last post. After Michael had mentioned dating his brother, I didn't ever really think it would happen, because his brother still had a about a year left on his mission. I continued to go dancing every Saturday with my friends and doing my thing. I still talked to Michael and danced with him occasionally, we never mentioned anything more about his brother. Me and my friends occasionally went to the Omni in Provo on Thursday nights for country dancing and up to Trolley Square on Wednesday's for dancing too. We did that on the weeks we were real bored. So you can see as much dancing as I was doing, I was really enjoying it, mostly 2-step and the cowboy cha cha.
Well, one night dancing in the summer of 2003, Michael came dancing and told me that his brother would be home in a couple weeks and he was going to bring him dancing so I could meet him. I was like what the heck, I thought your brother still had like a year left. Well, he did, but he hurt his knee and was coming home for surgery and physical therapy. Just a side note, Jonathan was first called to Panama on his mission, he wasn't there very long when his knee gave out one day while walking down some stone stairs. They sent him home because they thought he needed surgery then, but just needed physical therapy, so after physical therapy they sent him back to the Texas Houston East Mission, and once again he hurt his knee again. From my understanding from Jonathan the church won't send you back out if you come home twice just because it gets to be too expensive, so he was home for good this time.
I wish I could remember the details of Jonathan going to the doctor etc. and what the end problem was with his knee, but I don't. That is the bad thing about trying to write this from my perspective only. It would be a lot easier with him here to help me out on the parts I don't remember as well. Anyway, I don't think he ended up having to do surgery maybe just physical therapy, but I am not quite sure. So, one night that summer of 2003, I want to say either in July or early August, Jonathan showed up with his brother Michael at dancing. We were introduced, I could tell right away that Jonathan was pretty shy, but immediately I knew I wouldn't mind going out with him! I thought he was good looking and what isn't to love about a cowboy! We went dancing every week for several weeks before Jonathan ever asked me out. I think we danced occasionally from the time we met until our first date. We didn't talk much other than hey and our small conversations while dancing (remember he is pretty shy). I think we had talked about that it would be fun to go riding since I hadn't rode horses much. Finally, (I think with a little coaxing from his brother Michael) Jonathan asked me out on our first date sometime in August of 2003. He asked me to go horse riding up in Peoa (his hometown). Yes, I met his family on the first date! Yikes! But our relationship did need to happen fast considering his life was cut short on earth. The date was a bit of a disaster, not a total disaster, but had some disaster parts. Let's just say, I wasn't really planning on going out with him again after the first date. First date to be continued...

From the beginning...

I am going to start with a little background history of how I met Jonathan, before I just jump right into how we met. So, my senior year of high school, (I graduated in 2001) I worked at a little hamburger place in my hometown of American Fork. It was called Parker's Drive-In. It closed down a couple of years ago. Anyway, I met some good friends there that I am still good friends with today. A few of my co-workers liked to go country dancing in Pleasant Grove on Saturday nights. I loved country music, but wasn't much of a dancer, so when they invited me I usually opted out! I may have went a couple times during the summer before I headed off to college, but I don't remember. I worked at Parkers the whole summer after graduation and then headed down to Snow College. I loved my experience at Snow. I had some really good times there and met some great people. I had a couple of roommates that talked me into going country dancing while I was going to Snow, because literally there is not much to do in Ephraim, Utah! So, I started go country dancing while I was at Snow occasionally and actually started really liking it. Well, after my year at Snow, I headed back to American Fork to live with my parents because I didn't have any money to live on my own and I needed a job, and couldn't find one in Ephraim, so my next year at college was spent at UVU (when I went it was known as UVSC). I didn't love UVSC, but I was grateful some of my friends that I had worked with at Parkers were still around, so I hung out with them and started working at American Fork City (I had a couple aunts working there, so they pulled some strings for me to get the job back). I forgot to mention that I had also worked at the city the summer before leaving for Snow. I was trying to earn as much moolah as I could! Since, I had tasted country dancing down at Snow, and I actually kind of enjoyed it, it didn't take much for them to convince me this time around to go country dancing with them on Saturday nights in Pleasant Grove. I became addicted! I met some really fun people through my friends. My friend Stacy new a lot of the guys there so she had me learning in no time. I met a guy named Michael there, and I can't remember how we met. I think it may have been through Stacy's friends Josh and Aaron, but I don't know for sure. So, you have to remember I was 19 when I was going here and was not looking to get married at all! I thought I was too young. Well, I got to know Michael more and more. One night dancing, he told me that he would date me, but that I was too young for him. I couldn't have agreed more with the statement! He was 25! :) He proceeded to tell me though that his little brother was on his mission and when he got home, he wanted to set us up. I asked when he would be home and I remember it being like a year before he got home! Yeah, whatever I thought! Who knows if I would even be around but ok, I agreed to it, thinking in my head that it would probably never happen!

My Reason

I have created this blog because my biggest regret in life thus far is not keeping a journal of important life events, thoughts, and feelings. So, for this first post, I am going to give a little life background that may help people understand my purpose for this. I was first married on June 24, 2004 to the man of my dreams (literally)! :) On September 26, 2005, he was tragically killed in a auto accident that left my world turned upside down. I never wrote anything down in any sort of journal or anything from the moment we dated, through our marriage, and through all my emotions after he passed away. I regret that so much because it was such a vital part of my life that has made me who I am, and I want to share all experiences, thoughts, and feelings with my posterity. So here I am, several years later trying to remember and recreate things that I want my children, and grandchildren, and whoever else may read this; that have made me who I am, and that life is not always easy, but it's the way the Lord intended it. I have since married and have 2 wonderful kiddo's, and I want them to understand the events that took place in my life, and I hope they will cherish and value life from trying to understand the heartache I went through that has made me "me". So, I am slowly going to start writing about "my life story" from the beginning of meeting Jonathan, to the point I am at today. Some things may be sporadic that I throw in there, but I am just going to write thoughts and things as I remember them as they come to mind!